I Don’t Know Where to Begin

I have no words to express how I feel these past few days. I lost one of the most important people in my life last week, my amazing, talented and extremely, loving sister Jill. I have been so busy since then that I haven’t had to process that I won’t see her or talk to her again. That she won’t be making so many people smile simply be calling them muffin or cupcake. I don’t think she ever met someone that they didn’t immediately like her.

Now that things have slowed down, I feel lost. I asked Jill about something once and she said sometimes all we can do is endure. It is the perfect word I am looking for to describe things at this point. I don’t feel like I’m living, I feel like I simply endure each day.

I will miss my usual text that came every couple of days saying “love you beautiful sister”. She was the one person when she said I love you, I knew she really did and she loved me for who and what I am without expecting me to change or even attempt to be perfect. She made me want to be a better person so she’d be proud to say that’s my sister.

I do smile when I wonder how special Jesus feels each time she calls him muffin. I love and miss you Jillybean.


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